30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty One

April 22, 2015
Day Twenty One – A letter to someone who has bullied you or seriously hurt you

Dear every single person who has hurt me so far,

You’re all horrible people, but I realised that I wouldn’t be as strong and as determined if it wasn’t for your mocking and shouting at me. I push myself every day to be better and stronger than all of you, and someday, you’ll feel horrible that you ever hurt me.

I hope that day comes, and when it does, maybe then you’ll see how much you hurt me. For years, I lived in fear and isolation. I was picked on everywhere I went. It didn’t matter who I was with, or what I was doing – you all still found a way to bring me down and tear at my happiness. You succeeded, and for the longest time – I was scared to even leave my house.

I remember one particular day, where I bitterly refused to go to school, because you had all decided to pick on me particularly badly. I cried for at least two hours before I was due to leave for school. My mum had got me dressed, packed my lunch, and gave me breakfast. It was a totally normal morning, but suddenly, I was just consumed with sadness, and cried. At first, my mum thought it had something to do with my food, but after dragging it out of me, she realised how horrible you all had been to me. We walked to school, with me skulking behind and my head pointing to the ground (whether out of fear or sadness, I wasn’t quite sure) – and my mum practically demanded to speak with the principal, to tell her how outraged she was that her youngest daughter had been bullied.

There have been so many of you bullies, and most of you had followed me all throughout my school years. You tormented me, treated me in the worst way possible, and excluded me – all because I was different! I lived in darkness and terror for years because of you! You all hurt me in ways I never thought possible, and I think you’ve caused permanent damage to my heart and spirit.

I don’t think I was overly horrible to any of you, so here is my question to you all…

Why? Why did you hurt me? What shitty thing happened to you that made you want to hurt not only me, but other people like me?

I often get flashbacks of the abuse you put me through. Some of them, I can fight pretty easily, and then carry on about my day. Other ones take a little more pushing and fighting, these ones leave me in an unsettled mood for days afterward. I find it very difficult to trust people, and some of my closest friends I still can’t trust fully yet. I’m continuously guarding myself against people, I don’t reveal a lot about myself, and it frustrates me actually. I can’t explain myself to my friends, and I feel like I’m cheating them of something every time I get into a sad mood and don’t explain why. They deserve to know, but because of your constant abuse, I can’t find the necessary courage to tell them.

You all picked on me from my first ever day of school, until my second to last year of high school. It was when I was 17 that I realised that you people don’t define me, and you have no right to pin your failed lives onto me. I am a person whose worthy of love and friendship, and no one should feel like they can come along and rob me of that. I tried so hard to make friends while you abused me, but someone would come along, whisper something in their ear, then they’d poison me with their words. The same words you used to poison me, like a snake slowly killing their prey. You all were snakes, and I was merely a receptacle of said words, which made their way into my heart, and killed it slowly until there was nothing left.

Years later, I still get moments of darkness (because of the bullying) – but now I feel slightly less conquered by these moments, as my life is so much different now than it was then. I hope you wake up one day and realise that your words and actions actually hurt a person, and drastically change their outlook on life.

Sincerely,
Damaged and scarred.