Hey friends,
Another offering of ‘Thoughts I Have’, this time centred more around a constant internal struggle I face, and maybe one that many of you can relate to on some level. Or not, in which case, have fun reading through my nonsensical drivel, I hope you get some value from it.
As you can probably tell from the title, yes, I shall discuss and tell you a story centred around patience (or lack thereof in my case).
Through my short time on this Earth, there have been quite a few things that have been made apparent to me, and even others around me - that is how damn impatient I am!
Friends, family, tutors, teachers and colleagues alike have all come to the same conclusion - they will either tell me to be more patient or get out of my way once I get my mind onto something and go for it. They will then either look on in amazement or terror as they see whatever path I’ve made in pursuit of whatever it may be.
While I have made several attempts to be more patient and person-led in my interactions with others or pursuits I’ve gone into (whether in a personal or professional setting), I came to the realisation that I wouldn’t be nearly the same person if I wasn’t as fast and impatient in life. It has taken many years to get to a point of comfortability with my impatient streak, and as I’ve grown older and lived through experiences that have resulted from said impatience, I’ve learnt to accept it and use it instead as fuel to go about my business and make it as good as I can with what I have to offer the universe.
Now to discuss what my “impatient” nature looks like in both personal and professional settings...
For me personally, it’s always been rather challenging to get me to channel this impatience in a way that doesn’t either scare anyone off or results in me doing something that really isn’t good for me.
In a friendship setting, this manifests itself in being almost “too keen” in doing whatever it is with friends I’ve either known for a long time or ones I’ve just met. While this attitude has led to breaking the ice with even the most reserved of my friends, it has also got me into some hot water, and offending those who are either not interested in participating or are simply just not used to such a confronting personality.
I digress, my impatience is often the reason I end up in these predicaments, and I’ve always come out the other side of it more aware and knowledgeable about something I may not have been exposed to had it not been for that impatient streak.
In a professional setting - my impatience manifests itself in my productivity and endless questions. I just want to know why something is done the way it is, or why there are things in the way of me doing whatever it is I’m asked to do. It’s not every day that this happens, as I do still get into the throes of my depression and anxiety - but when my impatience gets the better of me, I tend to shut right down and become incapable of even doing the simplest of what’s asked of me.
I once said to a friend that “I have two speeds, extreme stop or extreme go.”
Which explains a lot about my erratic nature and often inability to settle on a decision or path to take, as I am often distracted by the thought of what COULD happen, as opposed to what is ACTUALLY happening now and in the moment.
Professionally, when my impatient nature is getting too much for me, I’ve often found that walking away to a quiet space and taking some time to re-centre myself in my surroundings has been more helpful than I realise. I don’t always have the words to tell someone I need space in the heat of the moment, so have often just walked away from them in the middle of it and expected them to not try and get it out of me.
While some people do understand that this is my way of processing whatever has just thrown me off - most other people try to change me, or try and tell me that my reaction will only make things worse. While that is true to some extent, I can’t always help my reactions to whatever stimulus - I can only manage as best as I can with what limited resources I may have.
I guess, the point here is that no matter how loud, fast and impulsive I can sometimes be - I’d like to think I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without my impatient streak. I wouldn’t have lived the life I do or had the experiences I’ve had if I sat there and actually thought about whatever I’m about to do before I do it.
With that all said and done - I have come to learn that being patient can sometimes be a good thing, I just have to know when is the right time to go for it, which I don’t always get right.
Thanks for reading my drivel, friends, onwards with yourselves and I’ll see you soon!
Tessa.
