By the title of this blog post, you can kind of see where I’m
heading here. In case you are oblivious (or indifferent, or both perhaps?),
allow me to explain further.
It’s currently 1:10am and I’m sitting at my laptop, after
saying good night to my flatmate at least two hours ago. She is in the room
right next to mine, and she is sound asleep. I should be, but alas, I’m here,
clicking away at a laptop keyboard, in the hopes of coming up with some
coherent thoughts to put into this post.
Alright blogosphere, here goes nothing…
This month has had its ups and downs, and it’s nearly over.
While there have been things that I’ve said that have led to a certain person
lashing out at me (again), I regret nothing of what I’ve said. Soon enough,
things will calm the fuck down, and my mind might just stop racing with
thoughts. “Might” being the key word in that sentence.
January saw the return of my current flatmate, and it also
saw the return of my happy and content attitude towards life. While some people
in the world may see this as “careless”, I like to think that they are wrong
(and they are, they just don’t know it yet) – and I will continue living my
life with this attitude, until I feel the need to change (again).
Twenty fifteen is the year that I will make plans (and will
HOPEFULLY stick to them!), and whether I succeed or fail, I will have finished
this year with the proof that plans can be made and seen through to the end. You
see, I’m quite the dreamer – my head is filled with ideas of something big (or
small), but I often lack the motivation to actually make these dreams into a
reality. It annoys me to no end, but this year, I’ve decided that I will do my
best to finish everything I start.
One of my main “plans” is to gain my learner license before
my 21st birthday (which is in November). I went for it once when I
was 16, but failed miserably. Ever since then, I’ve just not had the motivation
or will to try again. However, this year I will do it. After sharing this plan
with many of my friends (and most recently, my older sister) – I’m hoping this
will serve as motivation for me to actually go and achieve this.
Another one of my “plans” is to get more involved with
Wintec. In any way, shape, or form really. I want to help out more with events
that the Media Arts department runs (more specifically SPARK week – which I
explained in a previous blog post). Mostly to keep my mind occupied, but also
for the work experience and the learning that undoubtedly comes from running events.
When I graduate in 18 months (or more, depending on how some things go), I want
to work in events, whether this be promoting them, or organising them, I want
to be right in the middle of it.
One more “plan” I have is to be more patient, more loving,
and more understanding – no matter what. A thing I learnt about myself last
year is that I tend to turn into a sarcastic and cold-hearted person when
something or someone irritates me. This has caused me to overlook some rather
obvious things, like the fact that my friends actually DO care that I’m having
a shitty time. My entire life has been based on the premise that if I give my
all to someone (or something), then no one will notice when I go into my “dark
place”. If I just keep going, full speed ahead, with no distractions, then I
can kid myself into thinking that it’s completely normal to feel the way I do.
This is a rather narrow-minded and dangerous way to think, and I learnt that
the hard way. Being more patient, loving, and understanding doesn’t just go for
other people, it goes for myself too. Of course it is in my nature to put
others above myself, but I’ve also learnt that it’s okay to put myself first
too.
I also plan to appreciate more. Not just people, but the
life I live in general really. I walk along the main streets of Hamilton city
almost every single day, and I always see at least one homeless person on my
travels. It really pulls at my heartstrings, and makes me realise that this
life I live (as much as it can sometimes suck) is quite fortunate. I have a
roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, and I don’t go hungry at night. It makes
me sad to think that there are people in the world that don’t get the simple
things, that we as humans have a right to have. I also know that it could just
as easily be taken away, which is why I plan to appreciate my life a little more
than I do.
Before I go, I want to end this post with a quote:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” –
Plato.
Stay tuned for more in 2015!
Tessa
Tessa
