This has not been my week...

I’m not sure why, but this week has been one of the more exhausting weeks I’ve had in a while. Some may accuse me of being overdramatic, or silly, or grumpy – but I’m not really in the mood to deal with life at the moment.

While you may be asking yourself why I would post such a pessimistic post on my blog, it isn’t for you to dictate what I write, the way I write it, or even the way I deal with whatever is bugging me at this point in time.

The hope for me after I write (and post) this, is that I walk away from this with a new, better attitude towards life in the future.

Like I’ve said, I have a lot to look forward to this year, but at the moment, I’m struggling to see the good in all of these things.

People have asked me the generic question of “how are you?”

And this week, I’ve struggled to give a satisfactory answer (for me, not them).

Usually, I say that I’m good, as that is monosyllabic, and doesn’t require further explanation, or doesn’t open up a can worms that should definitely NOT be open.

However, this week, my answer has gone through a number of changes, and it’s a bit difficult for me to keep up with, let alone those around me.

Yesterday was an example of when things were getting a bit too much for me to handle. A lot of little things had happened that had basically sent me into a downward spiral of stress, anxiety, and downright anger.

My mum has decided that she’s going to move to Hamilton, and I have been tasked with finding her a house that is to her specifications. Hannah had a dentist appointment that I had accompanied her to.

Oh, and I find out that now my ex-boyfriend is dating one of my friends. 

I sound pathetic, but I don't care.

Add that lot to an already (somewhat) busy schedule at tech, and surely it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Spoiler alert: It was.

I was (and still partially am) angry that all of these things were happening to me. I felt like I was struggling with even the most basic parts of my existence (sitting in class, listening to a lecture, etc.), and the things I had been looking forward to for so long.

And I felt like the world was just picking on me because I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

It wasn’t a fun experience.

The moment I lost all control of my emotions, I had to make a quick exit to the bathroom, just to re-group and re-assess my life as it was at that moment. Let me tell you, I did not like what was staring back at me.

After that, I tried to hide all signs of a mental breakdown, and quickly made it back to class in the middle of the tutor’s lecture.

We were released from class early, and I went looking for some sort of reassurance from a person who I’ve put a lot of trust into of late. Thank goodness for a working support system!I was able to vent, hear some feedback, and then leave about fifteen minutes later.

But I still felt inadequate, and angry. It wasn’t enough for me to offload onto someone in my immediate area.

And so round two of the offload mission began…

I came home after a hard afternoon of tech and listening to some prattle on about something I felt was irrelevant to what I’m currently studying (I’ll live to regret those words later on)

My mum and Hannah were home to greet me, and I couldn’t manage anything more than a mumble and grunt in response. I was both physically and emotionally exhausted at that point, so could only manage non-verbal communication.

I got started on my homework for that day and started venting at both Hannah and my mum about what exactly I had to do by today. I clearly was showing signs of stress, so Hannah had offered to take over dinner (as it was my turn to make it). An offer I most graciously appreciated and accepted.
Thank god for an understanding flatmate. We did good in that area.

Today was much the same. I’ve still got residual bits of stress and anger inside me (which is just wonderful), which have caused me to become even moodier and horrible to be around.

I’m still stressed, and I’m still angry. Just not in the same amounts as yesterday.

Hopefully, this will all be over soon, I could sure use some breathing space.

PS – Sorry for the ranting in this post, writing helps me deal with whatever may be going on.

Tessa.