There are a lot of things that I do well, from focussing on
my school work, to being there for people who aren’t feeling so well.
But there are also many more things that I absolutely suck
at… The main thing I suck at is talking about my feelings.
As many of my friends will tell you, I’m one of those people
who like to deal with their pain in solitude. I’m all for helping my friends
and family through anything painful, but as soon as something happens to me, I
run the other way.
You didn’t deserve to be hurt by me. You were just trying to
be my friend, and that lead to a relationship, but I think in a way you’re
right. We both got into the relationship for the wrong reasons. We both wanted
other people, and were kidding ourselves for thinking that those feelings we
had would go away.
That’s the first time I’ve ever admitted that, and for some
reason, I can only admit it to you. Not even Hannah or Steven knows (and I tell
them literally everything). I have to let it go though; they’d never go for me
anyway.
I’ve tried to not let people get to me (you included), but
try as I might, it still seems to happen. It bothers me, and I hate it. How the
bloody hell can I be so tough yet so completely naïve at the same time? It
makes no sense at all.
Everything that we’ve both said over the past three months
has been completely unnecessary, and we both know it. I know I haven’t exactly
been the model ex-girlfriend, and I will freely admit it.
Usually I would just
push past everything and focus on being their friend again, and for the most
part it has worked (bar a couple of people who I refuse to speak to again, for
reasons unbeknownst to me).
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. For
anything and everything that needs an apology. This is an all-inclusive
apology.
The truth is I actually do miss you, but only as a friend. I’d
probably be kidding myself if I said that I was ready to talk to you again.
Maybe the next three months will give us both time to re-introduce ourselves to
each other. At least that’s what I’m going to do come February 2015. I’ll be a
complete dork and introduce myself (again) and see what happens.
With kindest thoughts and warmest regards,
Quintessa Davies
Quintessa Davies
