April 22, 2015
Day Twenty One – A letter to someone who has bullied you or seriously hurt you
Day Twenty One – A letter to someone who has bullied you or seriously hurt you
Dear every single person who has hurt me so far,
You’re all horrible people, but I realised that I wouldn’t
be as strong and as determined if it wasn’t for your mocking and shouting at
me. I push myself every day to be better and stronger than all of you, and
someday, you’ll feel horrible that you ever hurt me.
I hope that day comes, and when it does, maybe then you’ll
see how much you hurt me. For years, I lived in fear and isolation. I was
picked on everywhere I went. It didn’t matter who I was with, or what I was
doing – you all still found a way to bring me down and tear at my happiness.
You succeeded, and for the longest time – I was scared to even leave my house.
I remember one particular day, where I bitterly refused to
go to school, because you had all decided to pick on me particularly badly. I
cried for at least two hours before I was due to leave for school. My mum had
got me dressed, packed my lunch, and gave me breakfast. It was a totally normal
morning, but suddenly, I was just consumed with sadness, and cried. At first,
my mum thought it had something to do with my food, but after dragging it out
of me, she realised how horrible you all had been to me. We walked to school,
with me skulking behind and my head pointing to the ground (whether out of fear
or sadness, I wasn’t quite sure) – and my mum practically demanded to speak
with the principal, to tell her how outraged she was that her youngest daughter
had been bullied.
There have been so many of you bullies, and most of you had
followed me all throughout my school years. You tormented me, treated me in the
worst way possible, and excluded me – all because I was different! I lived in
darkness and terror for years because of you! You all hurt me in ways I never
thought possible, and I think you’ve caused permanent damage to my heart and
spirit.
I don’t think I was overly horrible to any of you, so here
is my question to you all…
Why? Why did you hurt me? What shitty thing happened to you
that made you want to hurt not only me, but other people like me?
I often get flashbacks of the abuse you put me through. Some
of them, I can fight pretty easily, and then carry on about my day. Other ones
take a little more pushing and fighting, these ones leave me in an unsettled
mood for days afterward. I find it very difficult to trust people, and some of
my closest friends I still can’t trust fully yet. I’m continuously guarding
myself against people, I don’t reveal a lot about myself, and it frustrates me
actually. I can’t explain myself to my friends, and I feel like I’m cheating
them of something every time I get into a sad mood and don’t explain why. They
deserve to know, but because of your constant abuse, I can’t find the necessary
courage to tell them.
You all picked on me from my first ever day of school, until
my second to last year of high school. It was when I was 17 that I realised
that you people don’t define me, and you have no right to pin your failed lives
onto me. I am a person whose worthy of love and friendship, and no one should
feel like they can come along and rob me of that. I tried so hard to make
friends while you abused me, but someone would come along, whisper something in
their ear, then they’d poison me with their words. The same words you used to
poison me, like a snake slowly killing their prey. You all were snakes, and I
was merely a receptacle of said words, which made their way into my heart, and
killed it slowly until there was nothing left.
Years later, I still get moments of darkness (because of the
bullying) – but now I feel slightly less conquered by these moments, as my life
is so much different now than it was then. I hope you wake up one day and
realise that your words and actions actually hurt a person, and drastically
change their outlook on life.
Sincerely,
Damaged and scarred.
Damaged and scarred.
